The Braid of Well-Being

Ever notice that there many types of hair braids. We have the scalp braid, swiss braids, french braid, herring bone braid, african braids, cornrow braids,and of course the classic English braid.

So many braids.

About 12 years ago, my 6 year old daughter Carly loved to have her hair braided. She wanted the French braid. I used the classic English braid because that was the easiest, and honestly the only one I really knew how to do.

During that time, Her dad and I were getting divorce. Her brother a special needs kid was having significant issues. It was a very chaotic, emotional and confusing time with a LOT of upheaval.

Every night for months on end before Carly went to bed I would braid her incredibly long brown hair. When I say long, I mean long, she could actually sit on it. First I would comb out her hair, and as you can imagine that was quite a process. Sometimes it was difficult because it was tangled with knots. Other times it was smooth as silk. It didn’t matter, because while I combed her hair we would talk.

It was our alone time together.

It was a time to reconnect, a time to listen and express emotions. The brushing had a calming effect for her and for me. Then I would braid my daughter’s hair. Weaving the strands creating a long rope. It was a routine, and it became a soothing and healing ritual.

For anyone who does not know, The English braid is made up with 3 equal strands of hair.You need all 3 strands to unite blend and mix to make a whole braid. Braids are imperfect. Hair grows in different lengths so sometimes the hair is to short in places and it sticks out. The hair is also thicker in areas making the braid look a bit lopsided. Many times Carly would ask me to do it again, because she didn’t like the way it looked. I really didn’t mind, it gave us more time together, and come to think of it, she liked having more time.

I learned so much about life while braiding my daughter’s hair. I learned about the soothing effect of stroke and touch. I discovered that there is a rhythm to emotions and feelings. I learned comfort and tranquility comes in little moments. I learned that I not only could I help my daughter but myself as well. I learned that everything is intertwined.

I finally realized that it was and is metaphor for our life. I realized that we are the braid. We have 3 strands that makes us whole.

The mind, the body & the spirit.

These 3 strands are interwoven, unique to each of us. It is our individual braid of well-being.

Like the hair braid, our braid of well being is imperfect. Sometimes our life looks neat and orderly. Sometimes it is lopsided and other times our lives begin to fray.

Now picture the braid. See one strand beginning to fray. It looks chaotic and messy. What happens? Eventually the braid begins to unravel.

When someone has a major change in their life such as a divorce, a cancer diagnosis, alzheimers, a death in the family, one strand of our braid is fraying. Eventually the other strands of well-being will begin to unravel.

We need all 3 strands to maintain well-being. If the body is not healthy, it affects us first physically, then it will effect us mentally and then spiritually. If we are struggling with fear, anxiety and anger, it will affect our mental health, eventually translating into our physical and spiritual well being.

Well-Being is intertwined.

Braiding hair takes practice. First you have to figure out how to hold all 3 strands. Not an easy task. Then you need to learn how to weave evenly, learning the rhythm the tightness and looseness. It is an art. It is quite difficult braiding your own hair, ask my daughter she can tell you. So asking for help might be a good idea.

We also need help learning how to braid our braid of well-being. We need to learn and to practice weaving it so it is balanced and whole. We also need to learn that our braid of well-being includes that help and support of others.

Help is an intricate piece of the braid of well-being. HELP I love that word too. I use it as an integrative tool to create and strengthen the braid of well being for individuals

H.E.L.P. is Honoring, Expressing, Learning and Practicing.

Honor emotions, feelings and thoughts. Acknowledging and validating them signals their importance and recognizes the experience. Awareness of how our mind, body and spirit are interconnected helps develop harmony between the inner self and the outer world.

Express, experience and engage in the process of thrivership. We are responsible for creating well-being. Expressing oursevlves in healthy ways releases negativity. Remember, Emotions, feelings and thoughts are honored guests. They ebb and flow. WE let them overstay their welcome. Engage using tools and techniques to express yourself and to integrate the experience, to strengthen, to maintain and nurture the braid of well-being.

Learn mindfulness to be in tune. Recognize what thoughts, feelings, emotions coping skills and therapies work and also what does not work. Discover core strengths and core values, these are foundation for the braid of well-being. Develop new emerging strengths and skills, these skills help re-weave or maintain the braid. Learn to ask for help and to receive help.

Practice, practice, practice all of the above and create an individual plan with intentions. Develop a recipe for well-being. And PLEASE remember the recipe is different for each of us. Also practice patience it is a process.

Weave these 3 strands, the mind, body and spirit. Engage, empower, integrate. Create your survivorship to thrivership braid of well-being.

How are you weaving your braid?