New Pair of Headlights

Headlights are necessary when driving in the dark. There are actually laws governing this now. When I was younger I had a nasty habit of forgetting to turn them off, resulting of course in the dead battery. Headlights were a huge part of my relationship with AAA. Luckily for me the car industry created the automatic headlight control. They turn on when it gets dark, and they turn off when I turn off the car. Problem solved. 

I also have another set of headlights. They are commonly known as the nipples and areolas. They were the pathway for milk when we I had my babies and an erotic zone. These headlights of mine are very near and dear to me, I have had them since birth.

Recently I have had bi-lateral mastectomies with reconstruction surgery, not because of a cancer diagnosis but because of my strong family history, (nine women in my mother’s family) and my positive BRAC2 gene mutation. I chose this path after many years of surveillance. The decision to have this surgery was filled with emotional upheaval, logical thinking and much support from my husband and family. It was another pre-emptive strike in my journey toward living a long and healthy life.

When having a mastectomy, the nipple and areola are removed and it is commonly replaced with skin that now covers that area. Bye bye headlights. There is a nipple-sparing procedure it is fairly new. Not an option for me. My mother, and my sister’s cancer started in the nipple. Not taking any chances.

So now the question is what do to about my “headlights”? I can have look-a-like tattooed nipples and areolas or temporary rub off tattoos, creating an illusion of “headlights”. I could purchase removable nipples (I kid you not). I guess that would kind of be like replacing the bulbs in the headlights of my car. I could build new ones with nipple reconstruction. That equates to total headlight replacement. Something my daughter did with her car to make it look real cool. Last but not least, do nothing and just have skin there and forgo any type of “headlights”. Does that mean I can’t go out in the dark anymore? The good news is that any type of “headlight” decision is done at the end of reconstruction. I have some time to figure out what to do.

I have been rolling the “headlight” decision around in my mind. How would I feel looking down at my new reconstructed breasts and not seeing a reconstructed nipple and areola or an illusion of them? Would I be ok with it? I think so. Would my husband be fine with it? He said he could care less.

Well, I don’t have ovaries anymore, I am in the middle of ‘reconstructing” new breasts. My whole image of myself as a woman has personally changed for me. I think for the better. So, I got to thinking that there are so many advantages to not having real nipples and even the fake ones too. Yes, I have lost the sexual stimulation but that is not really going to come back even with reconstructed “headlights”. Yes, it looks a bit weird to just have skin there, but I am kind of getting used to it.

So, here are just some of my thoughts about the benefits of “turning off my headlights”.

Pointless: Well the obvious advantage is never having to deal with erect nipples. This phenomenon is a huge cause of embarrassment. I would be pointless. Many of us like to have points or to give points, Being pointless, in this case would be a worthwhile state, it would be like having a permanent off switch. My opinion.

Burn those bras: Another benefit would be going braless. The bra has always been a huge source of frustration that includes shopping and wearing them. Well, with no “headlights” real or reconstructed I wouldn’t have to worry about erect nipples. Therefore going braless would be easy, comfortable and actually delightful. That of course helps with new perky breasts, which I have made sure the plastic surgeon is fully aware of.

Chafing: The rubbing and chaffing of nipples would be gone. A very irritating experience especially when wearing clothes that causes this.

Pain-Free: It can be quite painful when nipples experience extreme cold. Having no nipples then creates a pain-free environment for me. This is especially helpful during pool season, since the water can be quite cold in our pool causing much discomfort when I jump in.

As you can see I have some very compelling reasons to not replace my “headlights”. So at this point I am considering permanent 3D nipple tattooing. To be quite honest they I have seen them and they sure do look real. My husband even suggested that it be a birthday gift from him. How many men can answer the question, what did you give your wife for their birthday and answer nipple tattoos. Just the look on people faces would be a riot.

I have accepted the fact that my “headlights” have been removed. Deciding what to do about their replacement has been easier than deciding to replace “my girls” (breasts). I am really ok with not having to deal with them being “turned on” or “turned off” anymore. I still have time to decide about the tattooing and can just go for the new natural look until I do. In any case I have embraced the new me on the outside,  and have embraced the new me on the inside too, headlights and all.